04 July 2016

Crossing Borders

Dear Blog, 

Earlier this year, I’m in the state of breaking down. I’m all alone. Someone I love left me, my friends is no longer call themselves as my friends. It saddened me when someone is not here to pat my back and say everything is going to be alright. My night is filled with tears and woke up to swollen eyes almost every day.

I thought I should move on, I try but the memories still hunt me down. Everywhere I go seem to be fill with all the memories I had with them. I don’t want to admit that I miss them. Just when I thought I have no one to help me get back up, there is still someone who care about me.

Someone that I should call true friend where they are on your side through your up and down. They got me out from this dark memories, they filled my day with laugh and such positive vibes. They changed me to be a better person, to appreciate what still left for me, to enjoy life to the fullest, to be with someone who never left your side and to be the brightest girl.

This friend of mine never failed to cheer on me, compliment me each time I did something good, correct me if I did something wrong and support to every decision I’ve made.

Allah has given me something that I thought I lost. I still have my family on my side and few best friend. I maybe don’t have like bunch of friend but still, I appreciate what I had now because they’re the true one. I choose to believe quality is better than quantity.

And so, I’ve changed. I’m no longer the girl who cried because of the ungrateful man who left me, no longer cling to the fake friend and no longer the pitiful girl that everyone thought. I’m the girl with the brightest smile and I believe that I’m beautiful to someone worth it.

Life journey is not going to be happy for all time because I know problem is everywhere but if I keep my heads up and stay positive, I’ll face my future smoothly. Thanks to you who left me, I’m finally free and get to learn something new. 



18 May 2016


I shouldn't said any greetings since I'm in the state of breaking down. Lots of bad thing firing me at the same time. There's no solution even if i try to find it like the whole time. 

When I actually thought that i have friends but they betrayed me, they left me, they talk bad behind my back, they glad that i break down, the cheers when my tears fall. 

When I actually thought that i have someone that love me to the fullest, that would give me the love that i thought was forever but he left me crumble down alone, he thought that i was happy without him, he thought that i would be better without him, my tears are fake for him.

When i actually thought that i manage to have the stable and good job but the environment sucks, bosses everywhere, everyone seem to be so selfish.

The struggle of being alone is real.


21 March 2016

Family Trip

Huh kemain lagi aku cuti hari isnin 3 minggu berturut. First week mc sbb demam (hari ahad tu da menangis cam onggila sbb da tau the real truth). Second week, sbb penat pergi concert EXO hari sabtu tu. Poyo la penat sampai hari isnin hahaha. So third week pulak, which is today. Family trip to Cameron jeeee. Actually ahad semalam da balik tapi sbb da apply cuti kan, cuti je la. Lagipun kalau nak kerja penat weyy, sampai tgh malam tadi. 

Family trip da la tak macam family trip. Aku mmg tak sebulu sangat ngn family adik mama sorang ni. Macam errrr sorry aku tak hot cam kau so tak masuk. Mmg agak pissed off jugak ah tapi nasib baik family aku cam org gila kan so hilang la rasa bengang tu. Sabtu tu tak banyak pun buat aktiviti, just pergi pasar malam dia je. Melantak sweet corn and sweet potato. Masa nak naik cameron tu huda muntah lolol hahaha sebab jalan selekoh2 kan.

Harini patut kena dtg kerja sbb ada meeting penting and I'm one of the important people yg kena attend meeting tu tapi aku lebih pilih rehat haha mati ler nak catch up esok. Tgh otw balik dpt lak text dari "pembunuh". Time tu da la tgh khusyuk berborak ngn all the siblings.  "Kau tak block lagi ke nombor dia ?!" "Kau block sekarang !" Hahahha habis aku yg kena maki ngn my lifesaver. Jangan risau. I'm completely okay lepas jumpa EXO last week hahaha totally forgot everything, peace.

My lifesaver, strength and soul. They're the first in everything. I love them with my whole life.

K yg ni kelakar. Masa pergi Kea farm semalam, tgh cari2 jagung and strawberry and souvenirs la kan, tetibaaaa ada org bagi bunga ni and cakap "someone said the smile of yours keep this flower blossom." Omg cheesy gilaa ayat dia, the word remain clear in my mind dohh hahaha. Blushing aku. Thank you to that "someone", i realize that I'm worthy and deserve someone better than the past. But for now, let me take a break from all this love life lah. Nnt bertembung jugak tepi jalan kalau da sampai masa, macam dalam drama korea. Eceh hahahha. 

07 March 2016

This Love

If I turn back time,
 Will the memories get erased too ?
I know I’m saying things that I can’t even do
I’m just saying this out of guilt,

For making things hard for you,

For making you live in tears

I guess love is like that

No matter what you say
It doesn’t feel like it’s filling up
Even if I think it’s just my greed

These feelings won’t go away easily

If I go back, will I be able to endure it ?

All those hard times ?
When I see you, who isn’t shaking

My lips tremble

You know, for me

I can’t live outside of you
For me, only times that are colored by you are passing by
I love you, I thank you for holding me so warmly all this time

I can live because of this love.

Ps : it's sad that I think my life would end up with you. How much struggle we had, we always get our way back to each other. I honestly still waiting for you, to fulfill your promise even we are already break apart until i get to know that I'm no longer stays in your heart. I feel betrayed. I never thought of someone else other than you. But you easily delete me from your life. I'm just your tempat persinggahan. It's time for me to REALLY wake up. You are no longer mine. Thanks for the 2 years of happiness and tears.

06 February 2016

You're not Sorry - Taylor Swift

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time 
And all you do is let me down
And it's taken me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again,
But not this time around

Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

You had me crying for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry.

Ps : This song is actually inspired me not to turn or look back again. Nothing can help us anyway. The lyrics tells everything. I don't care if you thought I'm the one who should be blame. I really don't care. Just stay away from me.

20 January 2016


Dear You,

Do you ever think how much i bear myself thinking that you are not around standing beside me ?

Do you ever think how much this tears has fall, missing every bit of you ?

Do you ever think how excited i am when I'm talking about you to my family ? They even can see the crystal in my eyes.

You are always someone that i look for whenever i need some comfort word and you weren't there for me. But i talk to myself that you're not here for the sake of our future. So I understand.

You came back and all i got from you is your negative word thinking that i have someone else, I don't love you anymore, I'm not missing you at all. 

It hurt me more when you said I don't deserve to live with you just because of my small mistake that you didn't even heard my explanation.

Yeah, you were right. I don't deserve you. But you are wrong for pointing I'm not strong enough to face this kind of relationships. It just that you are too weak to be in long distance from me.

And you don't trust me, all this while.

Remember one thing when you suddenly missing me, you let me go. I didn't. 

Bearing myself without you from now ahead. I'm okay. Just like you say i was. But I'm actually not.

Well i guess this is the end of our story. I thought it will be last as what we imagine, as what you promise me but Allah has better plan for you, for me.

May you find your true happiness and thank you for everything. I won't look back and please don't come back. Just don't.

03 October 2015

Describe yourself

I'm lame. Don't even know how to wear makeup. I like to wear something simple but look nice. I choose flats than heels. I don't like wearing that kind of belit2 shawls. Choose to shut myself out from the world if i get into stress or something like that. Barely hangout, homie person. Hot tempered in short timing. Different personality. Like to jokes around with people whose close with me, known as pendiam to people who just got to know me. Can be really rude and mean, sometime. I like bracelets and rings, even I don't wear one or have it lol. Matured, I guess ? Well I heard that a lot from everyone. My close friend label me as someone fierce, I don't know. I find it funneyhh seriously. Music is my bestest friend, kpop is in the list too lol. Bad luck in girl-boy relationship, i mean love. I'm still finding someone who can actually touch my soul, everyone who came looks the same. How i wish i can deeply fall in love and never get bored. Crazy isn't ? I know, too cheesy. I love my family, so much. I choose them than everything. I don't mind giving my all time to my family, because every minute i spent with them is never a waste. Reading and writing is my hobby, couldn't go a  day without doing this two things. I like to express my feeling or everything through writing. I'm trying to be a better person everyday but failed, it will only last for a minute. Crybaby ? Yes. Eating is my all time favourite, tak kisah la snacks or anything, if its a food then I'll eat. Don't really care about my body shape but i think I'm getting fatter. Easily get bored, I don't even know why. I wish i could overcome my boredom level. It's hard for me to say 'no', I'm just okay with everything even if I don't like it. I'm not that one tough girl, just a normal girl with a normal feelings. I like to keep everything secret, only shares with someone who i really comfortable with. Always faking and forcing myself to jaga hati org but still end up hurting them. Don't fall for me if you don't want yourself to get hurt, I'm a heartbreaker and believe me when i said this. Easily fall for someone's smile. Suka cakap dengan diri sendiri, don't ask me why hahaha sejak azali lagi and I'm normal okay. Even though my style is a bit lame and casual, i have the desire to look pretty too. You know what i mean ? Like makeup, dress, skirts, trends shawl and stylish outfit but it was only just a dream hahah. I'm still stick with my baggy shirt and jeans. Lastly, sorry if my english is bad. Malays. And I don't know why I'm describing myself lol.