04 July 2016

Crossing Borders

Dear Blog, 

Earlier this year, I’m in the state of breaking down. I’m all alone. Someone I love left me, my friends is no longer call themselves as my friends. It saddened me when someone is not here to pat my back and say everything is going to be alright. My night is filled with tears and woke up to swollen eyes almost every day.

I thought I should move on, I try but the memories still hunt me down. Everywhere I go seem to be fill with all the memories I had with them. I don’t want to admit that I miss them. Just when I thought I have no one to help me get back up, there is still someone who care about me.

Someone that I should call true friend where they are on your side through your up and down. They got me out from this dark memories, they filled my day with laugh and such positive vibes. They changed me to be a better person, to appreciate what still left for me, to enjoy life to the fullest, to be with someone who never left your side and to be the brightest girl.

This friend of mine never failed to cheer on me, compliment me each time I did something good, correct me if I did something wrong and support to every decision I’ve made.

Allah has given me something that I thought I lost. I still have my family on my side and few best friend. I maybe don’t have like bunch of friend but still, I appreciate what I had now because they’re the true one. I choose to believe quality is better than quantity.

And so, I’ve changed. I’m no longer the girl who cried because of the ungrateful man who left me, no longer cling to the fake friend and no longer the pitiful girl that everyone thought. I’m the girl with the brightest smile and I believe that I’m beautiful to someone worth it.

Life journey is not going to be happy for all time because I know problem is everywhere but if I keep my heads up and stay positive, I’ll face my future smoothly. Thanks to you who left me, I’m finally free and get to learn something new. 

Love,

Nad

18 May 2016

Fall


I shouldn't said any greetings since I'm in the state of breaking down. Lots of bad thing firing me at the same time. There's no solution even if i try to find it like the whole time. 

When I actually thought that i have friends but they betrayed me, they left me, they talk bad behind my back, they glad that i break down, the cheers when my tears fall. 

When I actually thought that i have someone that love me to the fullest, that would give me the love that i thought was forever but he left me crumble down alone, he thought that i was happy without him, he thought that i would be better without him, my tears are fake for him.

When i actually thought that i manage to have the stable and good job but the environment sucks, bosses everywhere, everyone seem to be so selfish.

The struggle of being alone is real.

Sincerely,
Nad 


21 March 2016

Family Trip

Huh kemain lagi aku cuti hari isnin 3 minggu berturut. First week mc sbb demam (hari ahad tu da menangis cam onggila sbb da tau the real truth). Second week, sbb penat pergi concert EXO hari sabtu tu. Poyo la penat sampai hari isnin hahaha. So third week pulak, which is today. Family trip to Cameron jeeee. Actually ahad semalam da balik tapi sbb da apply cuti kan, cuti je la. Lagipun kalau nak kerja penat weyy, sampai tgh malam tadi. 

Family trip da la tak macam family trip. Aku mmg tak sebulu sangat ngn family adik mama sorang ni. Macam errrr sorry aku tak hot cam kau so tak masuk. Mmg agak pissed off jugak ah tapi nasib baik family aku cam org gila kan so hilang la rasa bengang tu. Sabtu tu tak banyak pun buat aktiviti, just pergi pasar malam dia je. Melantak sweet corn and sweet potato. Masa nak naik cameron tu huda muntah lolol hahaha sebab jalan selekoh2 kan.

Harini patut kena dtg kerja sbb ada meeting penting and I'm one of the important people yg kena attend meeting tu tapi aku lebih pilih rehat haha mati ler nak catch up esok. Tgh otw balik dpt lak text dari "pembunuh". Time tu da la tgh khusyuk berborak ngn all the siblings.  "Kau tak block lagi ke nombor dia ?!" "Kau block sekarang !" Hahahha habis aku yg kena maki ngn my lifesaver. Jangan risau. I'm completely okay lepas jumpa EXO last week hahaha totally forgot everything, peace.


My lifesaver, strength and soul. They're the first in everything. I love them with my whole life.


K yg ni kelakar. Masa pergi Kea farm semalam, tgh cari2 jagung and strawberry and souvenirs la kan, tetibaaaa ada org bagi bunga ni and cakap "someone said the smile of yours keep this flower blossom." Omg cheesy gilaa ayat dia, the word remain clear in my mind dohh hahaha. Blushing aku. Thank you to that "someone", i realize that I'm worthy and deserve someone better than the past. But for now, let me take a break from all this love life lah. Nnt bertembung jugak tepi jalan kalau da sampai masa, macam dalam drama korea. Eceh hahahha. 








14 March 2016

120316 Meeting EXO in Malaysia

Firstly, my boys look so adorable and handsome and hot in real life !! They're so playful like I could've pinch them hard huh. So here i am, after two days of the concert end I'm still talking about it over and over again with my lil sis. Well, i go with her. So nak cerita the whole experience dari pagi buta dtg sampai la the concert ended. 

Okay, aku ngn huda mmg da decide nak keluar awal sbb ticket kitorang free seating so siapa beratur awal dpt la the nicest view kan. Dalam pukul 8 pagi keluar rumah, pergi isi minyak and touch n go dulu in case kalau pape jadi kng takde la kabut sbb kitorang mmg taknak naik public transport. Memula mmg banyak kali jugak fikir nak naik apa sbb takut takde parking tapi kitorang fikir concert mesti habis lambat takut pulak pape jadi. Kena bebel jugak la ngn mama sebab dia suruh naik train je and then aku ngn huda cam malas gila like mementang la da ada kete kan. Ayah help me alot kot, tak sangka that he being so supportive about me going to the concert (maybe sbb dia nak aku release everything kot, love you dad). So lepas isi minyak singgah mcd beli makanan utk pre dinner. Yes i know lambat lagi tapi kat sana mana nak cari makanan woi. Oh the venue is at Stadium Merdeka, Outdoor okay that's what make the concert is more memorable.

Cari jalan nak ke stadium tu bukan main la berpusing sbb jalan banyak tutup due to the construction around. Last2 jumpa jugak sbb nampak banyak khemah jual Exo's merchandise. Parking memang takde. Aku pakai taram hentam park dekat bustop depan smk victoria. Memang dekat ah cuma jalan naik bukit sikit ke venue tu. So da naik atas tgk que da panjang gila k, nasib baik dtg awal. Time tu da pukul 9 pagi yes pukul 9 pagi ye. Concert pukul 8 malam yet aku da tercegat kat stadium pukul 9 pagi hahaha. So tanya2 fellow Exo-L pasal the que and all so aku ngn huda pun sambung la barisan nak que. Duduk cam org bodoh but anything for EXO kan tunggu je lah.


Alhamdulillah dpt tempat bawah pokok, sejuk sikit tunggu.

Aku ngn huda pun gilir2 pergi beli all the merchandise and apa2 benda je la (pembaziran alert. Contoh adalah kipas diatas. Harga sebenarnya 3 ringgit je tapi sbb ad Exo jadi 10 ringgit pehhh hahaha.) Tiba2 la kan, dalam pukul 12 camtu chinese depan kitorang ni bangun kemas2 brg. Aku pun tanya la kenapa, dia cakap ramai org da potong que kat depan so buat apa kita nak beratur. Aku da start pissed off yelah sbb dtg awal kot. Aku pun ada jugak la make friends dgn fellow Exo-L, dorang memang peramah gila tak kisah la bangsa apa. Out all of sudden org semua bangun and serbu gate yg belum bukak tu. I had no choice but to follow them lagipun dorang tolak2, kalau aku tak bangun confirm da kena pijak.

Benda yg buat fans lagi push each other ke depan bila dengar EXO rehearsal wey semua macam org gilaaaaa kau tauu. Aku decide nak mengalah ngn adik aku, kitorang move aside from the crowd dgn some of new friends lah sbb gate tu bukak pukul 3, masatu baru pukul 1 camtu kot. Pastu aku dpt call from Ainur (kawan sekolah yg minat EXO jugak) Pergilah jumpa dia jap, berhuhahuha. Jalan2 beli benda2 takde faedah lagi. Huda pun cam bengang sebab aku tinggalkan dia sorang2 hahaha.


So ni lah Ainur, hilang jugak la stress kena potong que bila da spent time ngn dia buang duit and beratur amik free fansupport hahaha.

Setengah jam lagi nak pukul 3, the crowd tetiba jadi riuh balik. Org semua da bangun dari duduk and start to move kedepan. Aku risau pulak pasal huda, tgk phone ad banyak missed call from her mamposs. So pergilah tgglkan ainur and cari adik aku. Dia cakap nak simpan semua barang2 yg baru beli and all the jajan yg kitorng bawak tu simpan dalam kereta since takut nnt himpit2 susah nak bawak barang. Dia pun pegi la hantar jap sbb kete dekat je. About 10 minutes lepas tu ainur join aku berhimpit kat depan tu and we make some new friends as usual.

Organizer sumpah la macam haram, takde que rail station, lack of staff. Memang tak teratur langsung. Start from pukul 3 tu mmg aku da pissed off gila2 babun sbb memang fans are squeezing and pushing each other tgh panas terik tu. Sampai satu tahap aku da pening nak pengsan then i said tu huda that i want to give up the front view but she keep telling me to stay still sbb lagi dua jam je lagi. Dia suruh sabar. Time berdiri tu jugak huda suruh aku makan mcd yg kitorang beli tadi, dia da makan dulu. Aku tak makan sbb no appetite. Tu pun aku sumbat jugak masuk dalam perut. Minum air banyak2 to get hydrated. Huda memang da risau gila da sbb aku da start buat muka taik aku. 

Lepastu nampak la sikit effort organizer susun kitorang beratur, tu pun sorang je macam haram nak mati nak aje aku bunuh. Da dpt que kitorang duduk lah, lega sikit. Aku pegi cari air jap sbb we're run out of water. So duduk la tgh panas tu haa menuggu pukul 6. Dalam pukul 5 camtu hujan pulakkk, ya Allah dugaan gila lah. Nasib baik bawak raincoat. Exo-L berjemaah mandi hujan. It was okay la sbb semua duduk diam je sampai lah da nak dekat pukul 6, the squeezing and pushing session start again. Aku macam nak mati wey kena squeeze blerghhhh. Tepat pukul 6, hujan stop and da start panas. Memang busuk gila aku cakap kau, aku pun tak tahan bau badan sendiri hahaha.


Ha ni muka gembira lagi sblm hujan dan sblm aku kena squeeze mcam buah oren. Herghhh !


Organizer punya la bengong lambat bukak gate serious kalau phone aku tak mampos aku da snap picture and post the real situation lepas hujan tu mmg ada org nak pengsan da. Teruk sgt wey management dia. Dekat pukul 7 baru dia bagi enter the venue kau bayang la bape lama kitorang ter-squeeze kat luar tu. Masa masuk tu aku sorang2, huda tah kemana, ainur pun tah pegi mana. I almost cry jugak la sbb org langgar2 aku meanwhile aku tgh sibuk jerit nama huda. Kau bayangkan la da macam cite hindustan hahahahah. Lepas da terjuloq-juloq kepala cari huda tetiba nampak dia lambai2 aku, yes dia da dpt seat. Da duduk tu ingat da settle rupanya seat tangga bawah yg kosong tu mmg area zone kitorang. Apa lagi semua kabut berlari nak duduk lagi depan smpai melompat tinggi sbb kalau guna tangga sure kau tak dpt duduk depan hahaha. Boleh bayang tak aku da macam hape melompat hahaha.



At lasttttt, dapat lah the nicest view huaaaa best gilaaaaaa. The hardship and struggle to meet EXO is seriously real. Memang da busuk gila tahap aku tak bole bau badan sendiri hahaha. It was all fixed by EXO, memang best gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Best night ever !!! I scream and follow the fanchants like really loud weyyy. Gambar mmg sikit je dpt masa concert sbb aku mostly focus to look on the stage rather than taking picture, precious moment kot. Bukan selalu tgk EXO depan mata. Tapi ada la dlm 10 gambar snap masa performace tu pun banyak goyang sbb aku sebok wave lightstick.


Being part of the silver ocean is my most dream and it does come true. It's so beautiful and knowing that I'm one of these ocean ...... Cry a riverrrr. I love you EXO.



My boys T.T ni je yg mampu aku snap hahahah. Dekat jugak kan nampak dorang kottttt. Memang aku akan brag about this through the whole years hahaha. Thank you EXO, you fix everything. I totally forgot about the heartache i get few days before *heart-heart*



Concert ended beautifully, breathtaking and most awesome experience of my life. Nak keluar tu aku siap stop kejap to snap the picture above. Macam alaaaaa da habis and I'm already missing EXO. Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming EXO. I'm so glad to be part of The Exo'Luxion in Malaysia team. Huh, please come again next year. Saranghae !


Jap tak habis lagi. Aku sempat leave a comment dekat Organizer punya fb page, memang ramai fans mengamuk and tak puas hati k.



That would be all. Till we meet again next year dear my boys. I love you guys to the fullest !!!



07 March 2016

This Love


If I turn back time,
 Will the memories get erased too ?
I know I’m saying things that I can’t even do
I’m just saying this out of guilt,

For making things hard for you,

For making you live in tears

I guess love is like that

No matter what you say
It doesn’t feel like it’s filling up
Even if I think it’s just my greed

These feelings won’t go away easily

If I go back, will I be able to endure it ?

All those hard times ?
When I see you, who isn’t shaking

My lips tremble

You know, for me

I can’t live outside of you
For me, only times that are colored by you are passing by
I love you, I thank you for holding me so warmly all this time

I can live because of this love.

Ps : it's sad that I think my life would end up with you. How much struggle we had, we always get our way back to each other. I honestly still waiting for you, to fulfill your promise even we are already break apart until i get to know that I'm no longer stays in your heart. I feel betrayed. I never thought of someone else other than you. But you easily delete me from your life. I'm just your tempat persinggahan. It's time for me to REALLY wake up. You are no longer mine. Thanks for the 2 years of happiness and tears.

06 February 2016

You're not Sorry - Taylor Swift

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time 
And all you do is let me down
And it's taken me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again,
But not this time around

Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

You had me crying for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry.


Ps : This song is actually inspired me not to turn or look back again. Nothing can help us anyway. The lyrics tells everything. I don't care if you thought I'm the one who should be blame. I really don't care. Just stay away from me.

20 January 2016

0201

Dear You,

Do you ever think how much i bear myself thinking that you are not around standing beside me ?

Do you ever think how much this tears has fall, missing every bit of you ?

Do you ever think how excited i am when I'm talking about you to my family ? They even can see the crystal in my eyes.

You are always someone that i look for whenever i need some comfort word and you weren't there for me. But i talk to myself that you're not here for the sake of our future. So I understand.

You came back and all i got from you is your negative word thinking that i have someone else, I don't love you anymore, I'm not missing you at all. 

It hurt me more when you said I don't deserve to live with you just because of my small mistake that you didn't even heard my explanation.

Yeah, you were right. I don't deserve you. But you are wrong for pointing I'm not strong enough to face this kind of relationships. It just that you are too weak to be in long distance from me.

And you don't trust me, all this while.

Remember one thing when you suddenly missing me, you let me go. I didn't. 

Bearing myself without you from now ahead. I'm okay. Just like you say i was. But I'm actually not.

Well i guess this is the end of our story. I thought it will be last as what we imagine, as what you promise me but Allah has better plan for you, for me.

May you find your true happiness and thank you for everything. I won't look back and please don't come back. Just don't.